How to Engage in Enriching Play With Your Kids
Jessica Applin holds a Ph.D. in Developmental Science from Boston University. She also studied psychology for her Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees from Ithaca College and Boston University, respectively. Jessica has two daughters, Isla (3 years) and Emilia (8 months), and in addition to being a rockstar mother, she is an Adjunct Assistant Teaching Professor at the University of New England. You may be thinking “wow, she sounds so cool!” and you’d be right. To further that point, she owns Growing Littles in Cumberland, Maine. Growing Littles is a place that has provided a space for young children to learn, socialize with other children, and have fun. For many new parents, Growing Littles has given them resources and meaningful relationships with other adults.
I sat down with Jessica to discuss some of the ways parents and caregivers can engage in play with their kids making it enriching and fun. I left the conversation feeling like I just leveled up in my own parenting game simply by having this new information. She was the perfect balance of informative, funny, caring, and no-nonsense. Our conversation lasted well over an hour and flowed wonderfully, discussing the nitty gritty of being a parent in today’s society, plus the occasional, “I can’t believe my toddler did *insert crazy thing that a toddler would do*”. The purpose of this article is to provide parents and caregivers resources, but also to help them understand that they are not alone in this wild and crazy journey.
What Made You Identify the Need for Growing Littles in the Community?
“When I was pregnant the first time, I thought that I was going to have this village. I thought that I would have this community of other parents and I would build the village that I was dreaming up. Then, COVID-19 hit.” Jessica explained how, like many new parents, she felt alone aside from COVID-19, but throw all that COVID-19 brought into the mix and it was a recipe for isolation. During this time, she was finishing her degree in Developmental Psych while balancing the stress of being a new mother. She always thought that in addition to her family, she would need to have a career in order to feel like she was contributing to society and to feel fulfilled. When she had her first daughter, she explains, her opinion on that matter changed drastically. “What matters is raising this kid to be happy and to give her a happy life”.
When it came time for Jessica to think about what came next, she was looking at professor jobs, but in a new light. She was not willing to sacrifice her family and the idea she had of where they would live. This meant that she was very limited in her search for professor jobs, so she started thinking about what other ways she could build her community. She searched for play groups, for mom groups on Facebook, for ANYTHING that would give her the space to make these connections, but there were very few options. “I started thinking that I both love being a mom and teaching. MAYBE I can build something that could help me connect to other parents and make it into a community.” She began to think about the possibility of starting her own business. She turned the idea over in her head for months before bringing the idea to anyone, including her partner. From the time that she spoke the idea out loud to her husband, to the day she signed the lease for the space Growing Littles would occupy, one month went by. “When I started telling other people about it, everyone kept saying ‘this is such a great idea!’. I had started to think that I could not be the only one struggling with not having resources and a community, and it turns out - I wasn’t. That’s why people come to my classes - to get resources and to build a community. To find their village.”
Is Growing Littles What You Originally Thought it Would Be?
Growing Littles started as a small idea, and it has slowly built up momentum. The ability to have flexibility in it and add/change classes based on the needs has been important. The newest type of class, the Little Explorers Program, which lets toddlers and their grown-ups explore local places in a field trip-esque way, has been her favorite type of class that Growing Littles has had so far. With the birth of her second baby she recognized the need to have a space for brand new parents, thus the newborn classes were born. It is flexible and adaptable and it has grown into this magical, beautiful space.
How Much Has Being a Parent Impacted Your Business?
“Being a parent has impacted my business in every single possible way. I thought I knew a lot about kids - I have a Ph.D. in childhood development! I was also a nanny for many years. I thought I knew everything and was this expert on childhood development and it turns out I wasn’t.” Growing Littles was created to be a space where parents could be met where they were without judgment. There are many approaches to parenting and science tells us what should be happening with our children and within our families, but Jess is here to tell you that a lot of the time, that is simply not realistic. The best approach to parenting (as long as your children are happy, safe, and having their needs met) is the one that works best for your family.
“I want Growing Littles to be a resource for parents and caregivers. I want it to be a space where kids can come and get to play comfortably where they get to have “yes”. A space where parents don’t have to say “no” all the time.” She has curated a space that is yes, for kids, but as much for the parents/caretakers. As a parent, you are always keeping track of something - and often many things. It is a place where parents can set all of that down for a moment and breathe because they know their kids will be safe. They will even have the opportunity to speak with another adult! Because of her understanding of the tolls parenthood can take, this space was made as intentionally for grown-ups as it was for kids. I can vouch that the coffee that is offered to parents during class is delicious. “Peeing alone? That is a luxury in parenthood. I will happily watch your kid while you go to the bathroom in peace.”
Enriching Ways to Engage (Or Not) in Play With Your Kids
Now to the nitty gritty of our conversation. We talked about all of the types of play that are beneficial to child development. “People often think about play as being “for fun” and it is actually so much more. It's fun, sure. But it's also how kids learn about the world. Piaget said that ‘play is the work of childhood’ and what he is getting at is it is how kids test hypotheses. Its how they learn about physics, gravity, social norms and expectations, collaboration, problem-solving, and so much more.” By trying things out and playing through different situations, they are making new connections and furthering their understanding of the world. Jessica talks about several different ways to play as well as several different types of play.
1. Follow Their Lead
If you are feeling like you’d like to play with your child but don’t want to tell them how, the best way is to follow their lead. See what they’re already doing and help them build on it. Jess talked about providing a scaffolding to the play that they are already engaging in. For example, say you are building a tower with your child. One thing Jess suggests a parent might do is to say something like, “it looks like you are building a tower! Can we work together to build a tower? Up, up, up, crash! Hmm, how can we make the tower even taller?” If it is hard for you to follow their lead, come up with a scenario that might be easier for you. “We’re going camping this summer - let’s pretend to go camping!”
2. Narrate
Narrating how you are playing, especially with younger children, is very helpful for the development of language. This can be done via spoken word, or sign language. “Parents sometimes have a hard time because they know they are supposed to give them language but feel uncomfortable just talking and saying what they are doing throughout the day like an announcement, so play and narrating that play can help parents sometimes feel ‘structured’”. Label colors, give action words, identify shapes. An example could be, “The red car is driving! We are driving the red car. The red car has a round steering wheel.”
3. Independent Play
Parents often feel pressure to play with their kids. While that is important, it is equally important to let the kids have time to play by themselves. “Aside from the many reasons independent play is important, it's also great because it gives you five minutes to enjoy that damn cup of coffee!” Something I found to be interesting about independent play is that it is so important but often the least amount of playing kids get to do. Jessica talks about how if we aren’t giving our kids these opportunities, it will be really hard for them to do things independently when they are older. “Now, I’m obviously not saying to leave your kid alone all the time. Five minutes here and there where your kid is playing happily by themselves and not causing destruction is so important for them and for the parent! Parenting is frickin hard and you need to have a break sometimes. So its okay when they are playing to stay on the couch and be on your phone for a couple minutes.” You don’t need to feel guilty for not playing with your children if they are happily doing so on their own. “Just be intentional with the moments you are present, but also give them the space to play alone.”
4. Pretend Play
Pretend and imaginary play are so important for so many reasons. It allows children to create scenarios in their heads and allows them to try out things that they don’t know much about. “If they’re nervous about going to the doctor, set up a scenario where they take their baby to the doctor. You can be the doctor first, then they can be the doctor, and so on. Practicing it helps them know what to expect. If you are expecting another baby soon, pretend play can be great for helping your child understand what might happen when the baby comes. Practice putting the baby to sleep, giving the baby a bottle, and even changing diapers.” If we as adults are stressed about something upcoming in our lives, we either talk about it or think about it nonstop, including in the wee hours of the morning. Kids use pretend and imaginary play to work through these feelings. Jess explains how we can see pretend play as early as twelve months. Young kids might pretend to eat pretend fruit, or use something else as a phone.
5. Sensory Play
Jessica started off by saying “people talk about ‘less is more’ - my version of this is ‘mess is more.’” Sensory play is a great thing for kids to do. It can be so easy, and can be things that you already have in your house. Some examples of this are beads, dried pasta, cooked pasta, pureéd baby food, yogurt, water. Summer is perfect for this type of play because they can go outside and get set up in the dirt and parents can let them go crazy. It can be something that is really simple, or it can be more complex. Sensory play is especially great, Jess explained, because it is fine motor play. It gives kids feedback that they are getting from their fingertips (or whole body depending on how engrossed in the sensory experience they are) and it helps the brain develop and stimulates neuroconnections. “Pro tip: if you are worried about younger kids who put things in their mouths, there are tons of mouth-friendly options like crushed up cheerios, or cooked food. If caretakers are worried about a mess, do it outside and hose them off afterwards. Another great option is to do it in the tub where they’re already wet. Try putting pom poms in the bath and have them try to scoop them up!”
6. Rough and Tumble Play
This is the type of play that is physical. The stimulation often feels good for the body to be fully engrossed and fully moving around. It can actually lead children to feel more calm when the rough and tumble play is finished, so sometimes it can be a good before bed activity. All kids benefit from rough and tumble play, even though society often tells us it's more for boys and pretend play is for girls. All play is beneficial for all kids.
7. Onlooker Play
One thing that is also very important is to provide your child with the opportunity to play with other kids. The skills that come from watching other kids play are essential for helping them be successful when they get to school. You might notice sometimes that your child is timid about playing and watches the other kids play but doesn’t engage - this is good! This onlooker play will help them observe things like sharing, being kind and respectful, and even how to speak up for themselves. Some ideas to provide this opportunity that Jess gave include: taking kids to the playground, the children’s museum, and of course, Growing Littles classes!
This interview with Jess helped my own understanding of ways I can participate (or not) in the play my kids do. She was so knowledgeable and would be a great resource to new parents or seasoned parents who are looking for more connections with other caregivers. Personally, I started attending Growing Littles classes when my son was eight months old and I met so many women who I now consider to be my very good friends. If there weren’t the opportunity to attend a class like this, it would have been much harder for me and many others to find and feel that sense of community. Currently, Growing Littles is offering a Little Explorer program. They also just recently moved to their new space in Cumberland! I highly recommend checking them out!